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I’m so lucky that my husband is on the same page as I am

Posted by mapetitechou on Mar 13, 2015 in relationsips

The other day I was talking to my sister-in-law and she was complaining about how frustrated she was with her husband’s spending habits. Their finances are tight enough, she is on mat leave and her husband has to work overtime all the time to keep them above water. Yet her husband still wants to spend $400 on a new gaming console. She is more frugal than he is and sounds like she has to try to convince him to spend less. I just thought to myself wow that must be a constant struggle. I am so glad my husband is on the same page as I am with regards to our family’s finances. The other day I was reflecting on something that I read in “Millionaires Next Door” about how important it is to choose the right spouse, one that shares the same philosophy and habits on spending, and ultimately same goals. You’ll never become wealthy if you are married to someone who wastes money. And if your family is wealthy, the wealth will disappear if you are married to someone who wastes money.

“Choosing the right spouse” sounds very un-romantic. Especially if you are dating someone, in our society, the last thing you want to talk about is money. But it is so important that the two people get on the same page when they are getting serious in their relationship. My guy wasn’t always on the same page as me. I was definitely more level-headed and frugal. I’ve always been a saver. My guys wasn’t so much. He had student debt. He had little in his RRSP account. But throughout the years I’ve been able to influence him enough that now he is a hard-core finance guy, sometimes even more frugal than I am. He got me to shop on Kijiji for used toys, bread-maker, computer parts, etc etc. He always checks kijiji first before buying new. It’s pretty impressive how good he is at that. I still give into my craving for clothes, shoes and bags often. I’m incredibly thankful that we are in complete lockstep with each other.

And often I see couples that are struggling with this. One person wants to reign in the spending and the other people doesn’t think that’s necessary, so they have friction. That really affects the relationship and family life because there’s always stress between the two of them. My sister-in-law wants to sell their full-size SUV because the cost of keeping it is getting so high, but her husband does not want to get rid of it. I said basically she and her husband need to have the talk and get on the same page. She knows that too but she is just too afraid of bringing it up and causing a fight. I think a lot of people are afraid of that. I was like that too in the beginning. But eventually you have to say something or it’s going to snowball into something unfix-able. Her husband needs to hear the truth. Which is you are not entitled to buying new toys if you have way more urgent debt to take care of. If you are working overtime so much that you do not have any time left to spend with your wife and two young children, maybe you need to change your priorities. These are definitely hard words to tell your spouse. I said to my sister-in-law “maybe lead with I love you and I don’t want to fight, but we need to be a team and tackle this together.” What’s your money relationship like between you and your spouse?

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